Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
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