you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
