I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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