You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Sober January is a disaster.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
