Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
