32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
