Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
