Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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