oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
We left an ass print on the piano.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
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