Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
