i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
my being single is dangerous.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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