Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
