whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
