im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
