your parents love me but you hate me
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
