Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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