Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
