How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Randomize
