nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
