fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
