My room smells like vodka and shame
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
