your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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