just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
