I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
