Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
