This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
