If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Couch. On fire.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
