My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
