she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
