Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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