Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
