I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
