One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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