names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
