You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
