connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
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