It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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