is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
