i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
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