in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
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