just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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