Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Oh god it's open bar.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
