I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
