so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
My ATM looks so different sober.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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