he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
