Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
