you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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