Me. At least after what I've been through.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
