I haven't been this sober since birth.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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