if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
