well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
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