Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
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