FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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